Am I part of the problem?

Everyday language

I say women are 'too emotional' when they express frustration or sadness.

I call women 'bossy' when they take charge, but I call men 'assertive' for the same behavior.

I use phrases like 'man up' or 'don’t be a girl' to belittle men for being vulnerable.

I use pet names like 'sweetheart' or 'darling' in professional settings, but never for men.

I tell women they’re 'overthinking' or 'crazy' when they explain their feelings.

Sexist jokes

I tell jokes about 'gold-digging' women, implying their value is in their ability to marry wealthy men.

I dismiss concerns about these jokes, saying 'it’s just a joke' or 'you’re too sensitive' if someone calls me out.

I challenge sexist jokes or conversations in social settings, using these moments to encourage respect and shift the culture towards equality.

I make jokes about women being bad drivers or not understanding technology.

I say things like 'that’s what she said' in inappropriate situations, turning women into punchlines.

I laugh at jokes about women’s roles in the kitchen or their supposed nagging.

Objectification

I compare women to other women based on their physical appearance, reducing them to their looks.

I rate women’s attractiveness with my friends, focusing only on their looks.

I share pictures or videos of women without their consent because I think it’s harmless fun.

I focus on getting to know women for who they are as individuals, appreciating their thoughts, talents, and personalities rather than reducing them to their physical appearance.

I stare at women in public, especially if they are dressed a certain way, making them uncomfortable.

I comment on women’s appearance before I acknowledge their work or achievements.

Gendered expectations

I never think of gifts or activities for my loved ones and let that job to my partner, sister, friend or mother.

I get uncomfortable if women I know prioritize their careers over starting a family.

I make sure to take an equal part into planning birthdays and holidays with my partner.

I assume women should be more polite or accommodating than men in social situations.

I expect my female partner to manage our social calendar, but don’t acknowledge the mental load it adds.

I assume women should take on 'nurturing' roles in the office, like organizing birthdays or taking notes.

Entitlement to women’s time and attention

I get frustrated when women don’t respond to my messages quickly or don’t seem interested in talking to me.

I get annoyed if a woman doesn’t thank me for a compliment or doesn’t smile when I expect her to.

I expect women to respond to my advances positively, and get upset when they don’t.

I expect women to give me their full attention when I’m speaking, but don’t always do the same for them.

I feel entitled to a woman’s time or attention in social or dating situations, even if she’s not interested.

Family

I make inappropriate comments about childrens' bodies or appearance, not realizing how harmful this is.

I make sure to provide childcare to children of my family without people having to ask me first.

I make sure everybody has as much food as they need, and replace any food I finish if it's not mine.

I destroy childrens' self-esteem by making fun of their interests, appearance, or friendships.

I help women with childcare duties if I am asked to.

I expose children to sexual content or behaviors that are not age-appropriate.

I give to children the same respect I expect from others towards me.

I expect the women in my family to take care of the children.

I belittle childrens' fears or anxieties, telling them to 'man up' or 'stop being a baby'.

Ignoring emotional labor

I assume women are naturally more empathetic and should handle the emotional well-being of others.

I get frustrated when women ask me to talk about feelings or address relationship issues.

I make sure my partner always feels well taken care of, and listen empathetically to their problems with attention.

I expect women to listen to my problems without offering the same level of support in return.

I don’t realize how often women manage group dynamics or solve emotional conflicts in my life.

I take for granted that women in my family or workplace handle the unspoken 'emotional management' tasks.

Housekeeping

I expect my partner or roommate to take care of feeding and cleaning the house, even if they work as much as I do.

I do most of the work around the house without having to be told to do so.

I value house work as much as corporate work, and when I come home I still share chores with my partner.

I make sure to do chores badly when I don't want others to keep asking me to do these.

At family gatherings I will enjoy social interactions without even thinking of the work needed to cook, feed and clean during those events.

I split the workload with my partner or roommate 50/50.

I expect my partner or roommate to tell me what I need to do for the house.

I do "manly" tasks (repairing...) around the house and leave the more "feminine" ones (cleaning, cooking) to others.

Seduction

I expect women to be sexually modest and pure, while I brag about my own sexual conquests.

I complain about being in the 'friend zone'.

I use my wealth, status, or job position to attract women.

I feel like people owe me sex if I’ve taken them out on a date or bought them gifts.

I am always very clear on my expectations on dating apps, and do not lie on any aspect.

I criticize women for aging or not being as attractive as they used to be, while ignoring the changes in my own appearance.

I dismiss concerns about the age gap in my relationships by saying, 'age is just a number' or 'they’re mature for their age'.

I offer kindness and support to women without expecting anything in return, knowing that true kindness doesn’t come with strings attached.

I intentionally seek out younger partners because I believe they’ll have fewer demands and expectations.

I lie (on my relationship status, who I am or what I seek) to have sex with other people.

I become angry or bitter when someone rejects me, claiming that 'nice guys always finish last'.

I believe that if a woman dresses provocatively or flirts, she’s inviting me to make sexual advances.

Relationships

I threaten to leave my partner or take away something important to them to control their actions.

I communicate openly with my partner, making sure all decisions are made together, valuing their opinions and ensuring they feel respected and autonomous.

I want to know where my partner is at all times and feel anxious if I don’t have control over the situation.

I monitor my partner’s phone, social media, or emails to ensure they aren’t talking to people I disapprove of.

I get upset if my partner sets boundaries, feeling like I should have more say in the relationship.

I expect my partner to dress a certain way that I find appropriate or 'respectable'.

I get jealous or angry if my partner wants to spend time with friends without me.

I assume I should make major decisions in our relationship, like finances or where we live.

Consent

I keep pushing women’s boundaries until they give in, instead of respecting their first 'no'.

If I am denied sex, I will behave in a frustrated manner to show how unhappy I am with the situation.

I believe that persistence is key and if I keep asking, women will eventually give me what I want.

I pressure women into saying yes to sex by making them feel guilty, saying things like, 'If you loved me, you’d do it'.

I try to get women drunk or high to make them more likely to agree to sex.

I ignore when women are hesitant or uncomfortable, believing that if they don’t explicitly say no, it’s consent.

I ensure that consent is always enthusiastic, ongoing, and freely given, recognizing that consent can change at any time and should never be coerced.

Feminist issues

I actively advocate for feminist causes to my family, friends and coworkers.

I say things like 'not all men' when women talk about sexism, shifting the focus to defending myself.

I dismiss feminist issues as 'complaining' or 'whining' instead of recognizing them as legitimate problems.

I get defensive when women bring up feminist issues, thinking they’re attacking men.

I believe that discussions around gender equality are overblown and don’t take them seriously.

I roll my eyes or tune out when women talk about their experiences with sexism or inequality.

Not believing women’s experiences

I tell women they’re 'overreacting' when they say they feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

I say things like 'are you sure it happened that way?' when women share their stories.

I question the credibility of women who talk about being harassed or assaulted.

I suggest women may be lying or exaggerating when they talk about their experiences with sexism.

I defend men who have been accused of misconduct by saying 'he doesn’t seem like the type'.

I always trust women telling me someone abused them, even if it is a close friend.

Interrupting women

I interrupt women in meetings, assuming my input is more valuable or urgent.

I rephrase women’s ideas in meetings, taking credit for their contributions as my own.

I dismiss women’s opinions as less valid or informed without giving them a chance to fully explain.

I talk over women in conversations, especially when the topic is something I’m passionate about.

I step in to stop male coworkers from interrupting, allowing female coworkers to finish speaking.

I cut women off mid-sentence, thinking I already know what they’re going to say.

Challenging other men

I stay silent when my friends make sexist or degrading comments about women.

I cut off friends if it gets to my attention that they assaulted someone and did not bear the proper consequences.

I worry more about losing friendships than about challenging sexism when I see it.

I avoid difficult conversations with male friends about their harmful behaviors, thinking it’s not my place.

I dismiss certain behaviors as 'locker-room talk' instead of calling them out.

I let men joke about harassment or inappropriate behavior without saying anything.

Supporting women in male-dominated spaces

I ignore how few women are represented in leadership positions in my field.

I assume that women who succeed in male-dominated fields have had it easier because of diversity programs.

I don’t actively support my female colleagues in meetings, even when I see they’re being overlooked.

I make sure to invite as many women as men in any professional event I'm hosting.

I fail to recognize when women are being excluded or undervalued in my industry or workplace.

I don’t advocate for more inclusive policies or practices in my workplace.

Harmful content

I watch shows or movies that glorify sexist behavior or portray women in demeaning ways.

I follow social media accounts that objectify women.

I report any violent content that is degrading to women or children, or seems unethical on those matters.

I follow feminist accounts on social media, and share their content to my friends!

I don’t think about how the media I consume reinforces negative gender roles or toxic masculinity.

I share memes or content that relies on harmful stereotypes about women, even if they’re meant to be funny.

I consume pornography or media that objectifies women, without considering its impact on my views of women.

Emotional abuse

I justify my hurtful words as 'just venting' or 'telling it like it is' to avoid apologizing.

I yell and scream during arguments, knowing that my volume intimidates or scares others.

I make cruel comments about someone’s body, mental health, or abilities in the heat of the moment.

I give silent treatment to punish people when they don’t agree with me or follow my lead.

I use my partner’s insecurities against them, making them feel inadequate and dependent on me.

I make jokes at someone’s expense, constantly mocking or teasing them until they lose confidence.

I use derogatory language, swearing, or insults to put others down when I feel threatened or insecure.

I manipulate my partner’s emotions, guilt-tripping them into doing things they don’t want to do.

I belittle my partner by making comments about their intelligence, abilities, or appearance, convincing them they’re lucky to be with me.

Catcalling or harassment

I touch women casually in social settings without asking if they’re comfortable with it.

I make sexual comments or gestures to women, even though I don’t know them.

I follow women or slow down when driving past them.

I whistle or shout compliments at women in public.

I step up to other men making women feel uncomfortable in public spaces, so they stop bothering women.

I get upset or insulted when women don’t respond positively to my advances or compliments.

Inspiring fear

I use my physical size or strength to dominate conversations or situations, so others feel powerless.

I deliberately make people feel scared or uneasy so they comply with what I want.

I keep my partner in a state of anxiety by unpredictably alternating between affection and aggression.

I hint that I could harm someone, or imply that bad things could happen to them if they disobey me.

I make sure to cross the road at night if I'm unvoluntarily following a woman, to make her feel safer.

I say things like 'you don’t know what I’m capable of' to make people fear potential violence, even if I don’t plan on acting on it.

Physical violence

I punch walls or break things in front of others.

I use physical force during disagreements with my partner, children, or family, even if I don’t leave visible marks.

I grab or push people during arguments

I never hurt anyone when angry, voluntarily or unvoluntarily.

I throw objects or engage in aggressive actions, like driving recklessly

I believe anyone making me angry deserves whatever I will do to them.

Are You Part of the Problem?

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